


Isn't it hilarious, a vulcan in love

by SkySpiderplume



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-09-28 06:20:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20421332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkySpiderplume/pseuds/SkySpiderplume
Summary: You awaken telepathic abilities that will need someone to guide how to control them. And the one best qualified to do that is Tuvok, the Chief of security and Chief tactical officer of the starship Voyager.(This is an alternate universe where Tuvok isn't married or doesn't have kids.)





	1. I'ts unexplainable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ship has holographic nurses btw. And the reason for that is Just Because.

You were an ensign on the Voyager, working in the Astrometrics lab, but one with no noticeable qualities. At least not on any record that is. However, you had become quite an invaluable member of the crew. Everyone knew you by now - in addition of your work as a stellar cartographer - for your adequate skills, both in the medical field as well as in mechanics. And the reason for that was because they had become of use on more than one occasion. In fact, it seemed almost as if you always knew where to be in exactly the right moment. Every once in a while you had even managed to prevent something seriously hazardous from happening. But besides being handy and efficent, you were - well, kind of quiet and serious. Usually just observing the mundane life of the starship. And even though you liked most of the crew, you enjoyed your social circles very small so the arrangement of you being there in times of trouble, but otherwise out of the way, suited you just fine.

***

It was nighttime when you woke up suddenly, feeling as if you would be needed in the sickbay very soon. Shaking the dream haze away and the feeling rapidly turning into a certainty, you were forced to jump out of your bed. The moment your feet touched the floor, the whole ship wavered, ever so slightly yet noticeably enough for those who were awake. You didn't even bother changing your pyjamas into your uniform or taking a look in the mirror, just snatched the combadge off of your uniform shirt and then started running towards the sickbay. "Ensign (Y/L/N) to the sickbay, activate emergency medical doctor." "What is the nature of the emergency?" "No emergency.. Yet. Just prepare for casualties. There's going to be.. many." you answered huffing. "... What do you mean no emergency? You can't go around ordering the ship's doctor to work as you please without a..." The doctor was cut off by the red alert announcement on the communication systems. "This is red alert. All hands to the deck." Sounded the firm voice of the Vulcan Chief of Security.

And as soon as you got to the sickbay, the first wounded one was already transported there and without a second to waste you started assisting the doctor.

***

After a short but brutal attack that the Voyager was just barely able to fend off, the sickbay was filled with patients and every helping hand capable of medical treatment was working to do what they could. And even though it took hours to treat every last patient, there was not a single fatality in all of the chaos. Looking around you, seeing all the wounded ship personnel in their make shift beds, resting peacefully, you could finally take a breath. You walked to where Kes was now sitting on the floor, in the doctor's office, and slumped down next to her. She had become one of your closest friend during the times you had worked together in the sickbay. Both of you, tired from having to work such a strenuous, many hour long streak, didn't want to talk about what you had just gone through. The wailing and crying caused by the many severe injuries just a while ago was something neither of you wanted to think about. So Kes decided to go straight to the question that was burning in her mind.  
"I heard from the doctor... How.. how did you know something was going to happen?" Then she paused to think for a moment how to continue. "I know you're quite the handy one and always on the next task seamlessly as if guided by a greater understanding. But not until today have I ever wondered if there truly is some kind of an... ability or gift that you have. Maybe a telepathic intuition? Because the way you knew what to do moments before the battle even started was. Well, not something that can be explained by sheer luck alone." Kes finished her pondering. She knew from experience.  
You sighed and then answered "I can't explain it." thinking for a brief moment: Though, Kes just might be one able to understand.  
"All I know is that I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night and just knew. I didn't have a single doubt that I'd be needed here and gravely. The feeling was. Like embedded in my spine...If that makes sense. And without thinking, I acted on that feeling. As you can probably..see.." You shifed your eyes to meet Kes', tucking some of your still unbrushed, sleep messy hair behind your ear.  
Kes smiled at you, glanced at the button up pyjama shirt and pyjama trousers you still wore, and then hummed continuing to mull over your predicament. "Hmm. We should ask the doctor if he could make an examination on you and find out what caused this.. this omen. Or premonition. Or whatever it is. I'm sure he would do it gladly."  
"Oh, no, I wouldn't want to do that. Not yet at least.. Maybe later, but after doing emergency first-aid for the past.. I don't know how many hours, I have no energy left to even think straight." You were fast to decline.  
"Are you sure? After all, we are here in the sickbay, I know it's not going to be a bother to the doctor."  
"I'm sure."  
Kes thought for a while if she should let it go, but realized that she too, was too fatigued to try persuading you further. Besides, telepathic abilities didn't often show in a tricorder or a scan when not in use.  
"Well, okay then. But in that case you'll have to promise that you'll see Tuvok about this as well. Having practised my telepathic abilities with him for a long enough time now, I have a hunch he's the best qualified person to do an assessment on this phenomenon. To better help figuring out the nature of this. Occurrence."  
"Tuvok? You mean the chief of Security and chief tactical officer.. Tuvok. The vulcan that is the closest advisor to the captain. The one that is as cool as an ice..berg. And just as, I mean, not unfriendly but you know, stern. I heard he's kind of. Um *cough* scary." You half whispered the last part.  
"Yes (Y/N), Tuvok as in the chief of security and chief tactical offi.. Wait you mean you're afraid of him?" Kes realized with a delay. "You must be kidding me, there's no need to fear Tuvok. Him being a vulcan doesn't make him as bad as you must have been made to believe. Sure he seems all stern and might even look angry to you, what, with those vulcan eyebrows of his and emotionless face but that's exactly it. He is a vulcan. And I think that might even be good for you actually, since you don't want to be bothered in your daily routines. Tuvok if anyone understands others' boundaries and is one to go straight to the point without any kind of unneccessary chit chat. I've always thought that both of your styles of working and the ways you conduct yourselves are pretty similar - well, in some ways at least. I never even in my dreams imagined he out of all the people on board would intimidate you. The one, mind you, known to be as matter-of-fact as a vulcan." Kes finished her speech with an amused expression on her face.  
"Oh." - I did not know that. So they think I'm similar to a vulcan, huh. -  
"You have nothing to worry about. I assure you." Kes continued taking you to a half hug with her other arm and squeezing a bit on your shoulder.  
"I'll ask him to meet you. Strictly in the context of finding out what this more-than-a-hunch-but-otherwise-unexplainable mysterious premonition that woke you up was. Okay? I can be there too if you need the support."  
"Kes. Thank you. You're so amazingly kind. I appreciate any kind of help on this puzzle, I really do. And if you're willing to ask such a high ranking officer to see me regarding this problem I will definitely not let that chance slip away. But I think I'll manage to meet Tuvok even if you're not there.....I appreciate it though."

Meanwhile you two were talking, the doctor was making rounds checking over his patients like a hawk for any sign of need for further care or treatment. As he was getting the last patients information checked, he started talking to you and Kes, or at least, his words were aimed at the floor of his office where you two were. He spoke in a voice loud enough you'd both hear but that wouldn't stir the many patients sleeping.  
  
"You two are still here? I thought I told everyone to go rest properly. I am perfectly capable of calling for help if I need it." The doctor was now walking around to the office, crossing his arms. "This situation is well under control now, you both did an exemplary job." You and Kes started getting up from the floor under the expectant gaze of the doctor. "Me and the holographic nurses can manage with the patients that are still in a need of supervision. After all, we're all holograms and meant for tireless duty like this." Finished the doctor with his assurances.  
"You're right doctor. I do think a break is very much needed. I think I'll go eat something and then take it easy for the remainder of the day, if possible." Kes nodded at the doctor and then turned to you, "Are you coming to the mess hall with me?"  
"Ahh, I. " Hesitant because of the improper outfit you had. "I think I'd rather go to my quarters...Thanks anyway, Kes. And doctor." You nodded slightly to the doctor who just smiled and waved at you for a goodbye.  
"And then skip eating? Oh don't you think I'll let you. I know you. You'll be lost in your thoughts and before you know it you've forgotten to have any food. " By now she had taken you gently by your arm and was leading you out of the sickbay. "See you doctor." Kes called out from the door before the both of you walked out.  
"Kes, I promise, I'll remember to eat." You said with barely any effort.  
"Nu-uh, it's still the early hours, there will be no-one in the mess hall, I promise. Besides, it's fine to break from the starfleet uniform regulations in a situation like this. After doing our best for the injured it would be criminal to let you go and forget to take care of yourself. Furthermore, if you ask me, it's fair to say you're the hero of this incident, many of the patients got treatment just in the nick of time. Imagine if we had lost those precious moments that you were able to provide with your.. unexplainable premonition. Food is more than well deserved in this situation. You'll feel so much better when you get your belly full and then I'm ordering you straight back to bed. No need to change attires for a short meal. Okay?"

And you knew you had no arguments against Kes. You were awfully tired. And hungry enough to even eat Neelix' very.. imaginative recipes. Letting air out of your lungs in a long huff, you followed Kes willingly and without complaint.


	2. Moments Just Before

It was only after Tuvok tapped the doctor on his shoulder that he noticed the vulcan man.  
"Doctor." Making a small nod for a greeting. "I am looking for ensign (Y/L/N). I could not reach her through the communication systems since they are still being repaired. And I heard that this is the last place she was seen."  
"Oh, you're searching for (Y/N)? She and Kes left to the mess hall just about half an hour ago. Why do you need to see her, if I may ask?" The doctor got curious.  
"I have heard remarkable things of her but have never actually met the ensign so widely respected among the crew. She has been helpful in many crucial turn of event or moment of need so far. Or at least that is what I have gathered after some investigation..."  
The doctor interrupted. "And I can confirm you that the praise you have heard is certainly true! She's earned more than some admiration for her good work morale and trustworthy attitude. Not a wordy one for sure but packs a lot of confidence. For example, today's achievements here in sickbay were for a huge part, thanks to her. Apparently she woke up and "just knew what to do" - borrowing her words. And so we got to working against time with a head start. I dare say it was, like you said, a crucial moment for the way things turned out for everyone here."  
The doctor babbled over the vulcan, somewhat proud of you since he'd known of your skills before so many others. Actually, he had noted your working efficency from the very beginning.  
"Thank you doctor. I am well aware of how her fast judgement or, perhaps an intuition, was what helped us all through this very unfortunate run in with a hostile alien starship. That's why I need to ask the ensign herself some questions. It has been too many coincidences happening around her and I don't believe in coincidences such perfectly timed." The vulcan explained shortly.  
"I'll continue my search to the mess hall then. Thank you again, doctor."  
Then Tuvok walked out of the sickbay with a brisk paceleaving the doctor to his thoughts.

". . .That was odd. (Y/N) sure has made a name for herself if Tuvok himself is searching for her."

***

Getting a glass of water, some fruit that reminded you of something similar to a mix of pear and cucumber in taste, yesterday's food, whatever that was, and a nice slice of bread with vegetables on top, you settled by a table with your blond haired guardian angel. And as usual, Kes had been right, there was not a soul in the mess hall which almost echoed from the emptiness. All the starship crew were either working in repairing the ship or had gone to rest in the hours after the attack was verified over - gathering energy was needed in case of follow-up aggression from the unknown vessel - and most everyone had already eaten to fuel themselves too. Some senior officers and a very capable security team handpicked by Tuvok were looking out for the safety of the ship for the moment. And just like everyone else, you too needed to defuse the stress that had built up since waking up so abruptly and fighting for so many lives. So you started eating slowly, savouring the moment between a well earned victory and a looming uncertainty for what would come next. This quiet grey hued hall and the presence of a dear friend made you forget yourself completely in your thoughts. Taking a bite out of your bread, then a scoop of the food on your plate, you chewed every bit without urgency. Eyes sweeping around the room and appreciating just that peaceful moment with content. Until your daydreaming was disturbed by a thought.  
"Kes?"  
Kes turned to look at you. "Yes?"  
"I want to ask you. Do you think of this ship as a home?"  
"What do you mean?" Kes wanted you to elaborate.  
"I mean, I can't help but feel detached from the home on earth - we've been here for so so long now - yet this place isn't exactly home either. Or is it?  
"Home is where your heart is." Kes answered tiredly with a vague platitude. And since you weren't satisfied with that, you continued to explain your chain of thought.  
"It's just that. Even though I can't see myself anywhere else in this universe - not after what we've all been through together - I still feel. Very much like an outsider to the rest of the.. "family". You know?" You had taught Kes what quotation marks meant and by family you referred to the ships crew. Then you continued,  
"I guess I've caused that all by myself... I mean, I know I'm the only one to blame. But in these kinds of moments you'd just want to feel.. less empty. I guess. No one of us asked for this, lifetime of traveling back home, but we'll all have to make the best out of it. And for sure everyone has done their best and made connections with each other. But then there is me. A ghost just.. ghosting around like I'm air to the rest. Necessary, but. Not seen." You sighed.  
"(Y/N). Listen here. You're not a ghost. More like the spirit of this ship!" Kes looked intensely in your eyes and even took a hold of your hands. "A spirit giving good energy and light all around you. Haven't you noticed? The way you have the respect of everyone. The way some would like to break through that shield you hold in between yourself and them. They see you smiling or laughing, one of those very rare but utterly joyful laughters of yours and their mood rises up! I've witnessed it so many times now it can't be a coincidence. And everytime that happens, I assure you, you're seen as - as you - the good natured quiet one with what seems like endless amount of wisdom. They think highly of you since they partake in your joy without even noticing."  
You were now simply puzzled.  
"Kes, you don't have to try to cheer me up."  
"I'm not saying all these things to manipulate you into a better mood. It's all what I truly believe. You are a very thoughtful one and that's where your intelligence stems from. Always treating everyone very gently and with profound understanding. Always. Even when your exchanges have been short with whoever you've encountered, you don't fail to leave a deep impression."  
"Oh." - I certainly never thought of myself like that. - And Kes being the kind of empath that she was, understanding feelings on a way deeper level than most, you decided to believe her.  
Then Kes let go of your hands and picked up her glass standing up.  
"Here's to my sister on this ship, for she is a brilliant mind and an irreplacable part of our big mess of a family. May she be just as happy and unyielding as she's been for all of us, from here to forever."  
You clapped at the short theatrical speech and gave a laughter that rang free in the mess hall. Then you picked up your glass of water and made a toast with Kes who had sat down by now.  
"I don't know how I've managed to find a friend like you, Kes. You're pretty amazing and completely irreplaceable too." You wanted to share how you saw your friend in the highest regard as well. "Thank you." You said, with a heartfelt tone of voice and eyes locked with hers.  
Kes smiled at you happily and just nodded with content.  
Then you both quieted down again and continued eating, but in a much more cheerful mood than earlier.


	3. Disaster alert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the reader. Reader is the disaster alert.

Tuvok reached the mess hall in a record speed considering the turbolift didn't work. He stepped inside the facility and found it. Empty.  
Nevertheless, he decided to take a walk around to make sure there was absolutely no one in the dining area. As he was about to turn towards the kitchen, he heard someone in there. Before he could enter it though, Kes walked out and upon noticing Tuvok she greeted the man.  
"Oh, Tuvok, hi!"  
"Good morning Kes. I am looking for ensign (Y/L/N) and according to the doctor, she came here with you. Where is she now?"  
Kes tilted her head, "You came ten minutes too late. She suddenly wanted to leave to the engineering and didn't explain why. Only that she remembered something she needed to do there. But why are you looking for her?"  
"I am conducting an investigation on ensign (Y/L/N), for she has been linked to many a noticeable incident on the ship. It seems that her presence has been, for some reason that I do not believe is coincidence, vital everytime." Tuvok explained for the second time in the same day, trying to keep it short.  
"Oh, that's perfect! I should have known that you would notice and take such things into consideration. Now I'm spared the trouble of asking you to look into it. We discussed this with (Y/N) earlier and... "  
short pause  
"Yes?"  
"Oh. Oh no! How did I not realize..." Kes spoke as if only to herself. ".. need to go after her!" She muttered and started speedwalking out of the mess hall with Tuvok right behind her.  
"What do you mean, what have you missed to realize Kes?" Tuvok asked in a serious tone.  
"My sleep deprived brain, of course she didn't explain to me. Look, Tuvok, (Y/N) had this - let's call it omen - omen of the battle that we fought today. And I'm starting to be more and more certain it's some kind of a telepathic ability like mine. And so far it would seem like it's always the bad things she picks up with that intuition or so. She must have had one in the mess hall since she left in such a hurry. I thought she seemed kinda spooked. And I didn't.. I just didn't realize! Oh why! She should have let me know.. she could have shared with me! And she definitely knows that too unless.."  
"Unless she didn't want you involved for a reason or another. Most likely, because what she felt was something life-threateningly dangerous and she intends to be the only one risking her life."  
"Exactly!"  
No more words were needed as Kes and Tuvok now ran to reach the engineering in time.

***  


As if you hadn't strained yourself enough already, having to run to the engineering for dear life was really taking a toll on you both physically and mentally. No elevators meant there was only the long route. After running for what felt like a small eternity, you finally reached the engine room gasping for air and with the elegance of a swamp rat. Gleaming with sweat.  
In your pyjamas.  
Hair standing out here and there.

Another ensign walked almost into you "Woah! (Y/N)! What on earth?"  
Huffing you hurriedly said "No time.... give me the.... tricorder.... quickly!"  
Your fellow crewmate happened to know you so well that she read the situation without any further explaining needed. Handing the tricorder and following you, she asked  
"Is something.. you know.. going to explode here?? This isn't good. When (Y/N) means it, it's never anything good. Do you need assistance? Tell me what can I do?"  
By now B'elanna and the other engineers had noticed you too and the chief engineer had to shout at everyone to keep at their tasks. Then she walked to where you were now and worriedly asked  
"(Y/N), what's happened? You don't look very good. Are you feeling alright?"  
"I'm in a heck of a big.. not-good mood right now. I only know this room will have to be evacuated. Fast! Help me open these panels."  
The engineering officer didn't dare object for she knew that usually your recommendations had been proven pretty essential.

And upon opening the mentioned panels you could clearly see the problem.

"Oh wow, how did we miss this? Netta and Esramin bring the toolkit, we're going to replace the cooling systems of this part and pull these cords all the way from.." Looking at her tricorder and then pointing at a location "..here.."  
"..to here." You finished while reading your tricorder.  
Without missing a beat, B'elanna started working on the malfunctioned part of the ship. And you took on the task of removing the cords, when a small electric shock happened right next to you.  
"Oh sshi..!" You jumped back instinctively.  
"Okay, this isn't good. This isn't good at all." B'elanna spoke hastily. Then directing her words to everyone in the room, but without stopping her work, she yelled "Listen everyone! We need to evacuate. NOW! I'm staying with Netta and Esramin to fix this, but the rest of you have to leave the room." Which made all the personnel stop and look at their chief engineer, with confusion in their eyes. "This is an order!!" With double the anger in her voice, B'elanna got the mass of people moving out of the room.

You weren't exactly sure if you were meant to assist, since these premonitions didn't come with exact instructions, but you decided to stay either way.  
"I don't remember giving you a permission to stay.." The half-klingon spoke to you, though her mind more at the task to be angry at you.  
".....May I..?" And without waiting for an answer, you snatched a tool from B'elanna's hand, just in time before an electric shock would have hit her through it.  
"....Okay, fine! Permission to stay granted." She snapped but only out of shock for almost getting electrocuted.

And then you and your fellow crewmates worked with a tense atmosphere detaching the broken cooling mechanism along with some other broken parts. And as the worst danger was over, even if it only took minutes from your competent team, you needed to sit down. Feeling weirdly dizzy you decided to get out of the way. The ship's very own engineering genius could take the stage now.

And soon after you had taken a resting position on the floor, Tuvok, the chief of security marched into the engineering.  
... Actually. Now that you thought about it. Like reeeally strained yourself to think, there were suddenly so many people swarming around you.  
SO many.  
And you could just barely recognise the voice of Kes, among others, from behind the haze you'd fallen into.  
"She's not responding. We need to take her to the sickbay." Said the vulcan who had come by your side first.  
Then, you felt yourself being picked up, just before you lost your consciousness completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not super original writing but eh, I just want the story out of my head. And these story beginnings. I just gotta try and be fast with them so that I can get to the good parts :D I also just made up some malfunction that I wouldn't have to explain in detail, if you could tell. Annoyingly simplistic but just a minor thing.


	4. Wait what? - A proposition

The next time you awoke, there was the doctor, Tuvok and Kes standing around you while you yourself were lying down in the.. sickbay? You recognised. All three talking to each other when Kes noticed you had opened your eyes.  
"Oh, (Y/N), you're awake. How are you feeling?"  
The doctor and Tuvok stopped talking and turned towards you as well.  
"Mmhh.." You tried to get up but were pushed down by the doctor. "You're staying put. You need to rest."  
Very confused and your eyes hurting you squeked "What happened?" then clearing your throat a bit you continued "I only remember reaching the engineering and then...  
Very vaguely being by B'elanna's side...  
And then nothing."  
Kes took your question "You fainted soon after you had uncovered a major malfunction in the engines room. Apparently you also helped through the first steps in repairing."  
"And you have been using your brain capacity way too much for one day." The doctor continued with what he had learned upon examinating you.  
Oh, so it's still the same day. Everything that had happened, felt more like a distant past. But look at the clock, it was just the evening of the very same nightmarish day you wanted to forget already.  
"I gave you a drug that should block those parts of the neuro network that were causing this. We can't be completely sure how you've come to have these neuropathways that cause such overstimulation, but the most likely theory is your brains evolved into a much more intuitive version. Intuitive, or, we could call it telepathy just as well. But right now, all that matters is that you were brought here before you had a cerebral hemorrhage. It was close but you're going to heal just fine now. One night here under my supervision and then a couple of weeks of resting from duty should be enough."  
Finally the vulcan who had stayed quiet until now, interjected, deciding all worth saying had been said and the babbling - that the doctor was no doubt about to start - needed to be ceased.  
"Ensign (Y/L/N), I have been searching for you after the attack, ever since my duties on the bridge ended."  
\- Oh what? - You sat up quite wobbly and turned towards your superior officer remembering now he was there too.  
"I have been conducting an investigation into these occurrences where you have played a crucial part." Tuvok continued, seeing your baffled expression.  
"I have been following the pattern for some time now. I have also been interviewing some of your colleagues. And it is clear to me now that your involvement in the events that could have turned disastrous, were caused by something out of your control rather than by your will."  
"...Sir...Are you.. Are you implying that you thought I could've been.. a saboteur?"  
"Yes. That is correct. But it seems, these coincidences have happened only because you have been awakening what seems like a telepathic ability. Or as the doctor explained, something has caused such neuropathways to evolve in your brain that are capable of otherwise impossible feats of intuition."  
Not interested in your brains one bit at the moment, you were still not convinced that your reputation was cleared. And it showed on your face.  
" Even though, I suspected there was no foul play on your part, since it seemed you stood to gain nothing from doing so. You must still understand that I am the Chief of security and it is my duty to keep the ship and the crew safe. That means I have to look into any threat that is even in the realm of possibility, no matter how implausible."  
".......Yes.. sir. Understood sir." You finally answered.

By now Kes and the doctor had moved aside but were still listening keenly. And Kes was trying to convey compassion with her eyes since she knew it wasn't easy for you to have been under such suspicion. You already felt like you didn't belong in the Voyager and this just confirmed that feeling more.

"As for having failed to follow starfleet regulations for not wearing your uniform today, I am condoning the improper clothing this time. Quite simply put, this ship could have been destroyed today, on two occasions which both you prevented. Your alerting the emergency hologram doctor made me aware of the danger approaching just in time before the enemy would have torpedoed us to the other world." He was now clearly using a more human expression to better make himself understood.  
And you. You were just absolutely perplexed from that revelation. And soon after that your eyes turned slowly down looking at your, now smoke dirtied pyjama shirt.  
\- Eep, no way. Is this what I've looked like this whole time? Gah! -  
"One other thing" Tuvok got your attention from staring at your own chest with your mouth agape.  
"I would like to start training with you, this newfound telepathic potency you have, if you're okay with it and the doctor allows it. It is my belief that my help would be most beneficial in learning to control what right now poses a threat to your life, as we learned today. In addition, the possibilities with harnessing such intuition are.. Quite monumental. We cannot ignore what it has helped achieve so far. But it is your decision and if the circumstances demand it, you have to do what is best for you."  
Without waiting for you to even properly process his request, Tuvok nodded at you, then at the doctor "Ensign. Doctor." and lastly, he looked at Kes and said "Until the next lesson." and then just left.

All three of you looked at his back until he was gone.  


A long pause. 

Then you remembered.

"Shower!!! I need a shower!"  
You got down from the bed a little shaky and started taking your shirt off. You were just _that_ disgusted by how slimy you felt.

"Oh for the love of.. You're granted a permission for a shower, Kes will assist you. End program: holographic emergency doctor." 

And so, you finally got to make yourself ready for the da... err. I mean, Night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter and again with the clichés, but I hope to have made a good continuation with it nonetheless.


	5. Forward is the only way

It had now been a week from the alien starship's attack and you still had two weeks of sick leave left. The doctor had examined you thoroughly and came to the conclusion that you were genetically apt for telepathic capabilities.This quality in your brains was a remnant from somewhere in your family tree. From hundreads of years ago. Basically, being in the delta quadrant, and the way you all had to stay alert so much, had awoken the ability. It had happened gradually though, starting with small things at first. Your subconscious mind picked up changes from your environment, especially negative ones. And as you rememberd back, you realized what had been the signs in the very beginning. How you had caught a wrench that someone had thrown carelessly before it hit a wall. Or pulled someone out of the way of another crewmate before collision. Or how some minor detail made you uneasy and it turned out to be some minor coil about to get fried. But only every now and then, not all the time. You had always been in a place of relaxed mood and/or in your thoughts for the instinct to wake up. And, as far as you were concerned, you had only thought of it as amazing reflexes and observation skills. Then as time passed by, during the months of making a name for yourself as the handy and efficent, happens-to-be-in-the-right-place crewmate, the neuropathways got, well, exercise. So to speak. Increasing your ability to sense your surroundings in an inhumane way and range. But not until the fateful night, did your skills get into a real test as they alerted you to run around the ship under mental strain like never before. Almost witnessing the complete destruction of the ship .. And later, almost dying from the pressure it all caused in your head.

In addition to the experience making you have major anxiety, it also made you feel dread to know how close the ship and it's crew had been of dying. Anything could happen at any moment. And even though Kes was there to talk about it with you, it was getting tiring to hear the same things a million times over. And Neelix wasn't so pleased to be robbed of his girlfriend all the time. But he was being his most understanding self for you, since your heroic actions hadn't slipped past him. Actually, it was now in everyone's knowledge that you had evolved your brain capacity. Or grown a tumour which granted the gift of foresight. Okay, the real truth was a bit lost, but nevertheless it wasn't even a surprise to your crewmates that the fast response had been thanks to you. Again. Which all of course made you feel like you were in charge of keeping everyone safe now. And the drugs you were prescribed to take - as the first measure against overusing the neuropathways - kept the edge of your telepathy away but at the same time, made you feel extremely distressed.

***

"Think Kes, think about it! Now as I take this pill and it messes up my brain functions real good. We____Could____All____Die!  
You dramatized turning to lay on your back on your bed. Your head hanging over the foot of the bed.  
"It's a reality we all live with every moment of every day." Your best friend, who was visiting you, stated. "No one here puts their trust in you entirely, they know the dangers that are lurking in an unknown space. But I ask you to take a good look at them, next time you leave these quarters, you'll see how adapted they are. Definitely not worrying if there's going to be some kind of a disaster around the corner." Kes told you in a kind of a monotone voice, the same thing she had said already twice that day and many times during the week. As reassurance of how everything had returned back to normal in the ship.  
"I know." You sighed, seeing how this was becoming tiresome to your closest friend. It wasn't her place to be your personal therapist. "I know and I promise I'm going to continue trying to get over this soon." You vowed, even if that was meant for you more than anyone else.  
"Hey, it's _okay_ if you need time." She paused.  
"You know what." Kes suddenly raised from the seat she had taken and jumped, in a very light and smooth motion, to stand on the bed. Getting your attention entirely. "You knooow, you could still take Tuvok up on that offer of training your telepathy." She looked down at you and spoke like she did when she was feeling goofy. In a way that was meant to try and coax you. The suggestion in itself wasn't new but she wanted to make it sound like any other carefree thing. "Don't you want to get back to your normal life?" Then she sat down next to you and looked at you wide-eyed, "If you do, then you'll have to face this challenge head on, like the insignificant little distraction that it is. From the perspective of a whole lifetime I mean." thinking to herself: See the validity in my words.  
She had insisted on this everyday now. And you had insisted that there was no need to get the security officer involved in the whole mess, since in the end, it had been the doctor who solved the reason behind your row of coincidences. Everything was solved!  
"Ohhohoh, you're serious? This again?" You paused scrunching your nose, taking a moment to still actually think about it. Things needed to change though. And Kes too, knew you weren't far from a resolution.  
"Do you think I'm joking? Tuvok is a great teacher! Are you insulting my teacher in front of me? How. so. very... Unusual of you!" She pretended to be hurt. "Go ahead then! I don't care if whatever comes next is good or bad for you!"  
You smirked. And she did too. Then Kes changed a bit more serious tone in her voice.  
"But if we're being completely serious." She looked at you to make sure that she had your attention. "Reality still stays that you're now forever changed." And there was not a trace of humour in her eyes anymore. "And you can't do anything about it. Especially trying to avoid everything, trying to avoid life itself from happening around you. You couldn't ask for a wiser, more calm, more experienced in the matters of the mind, not to mention unbiased person to help you. After all I am an example of Tuvok's expertise in telepathic guidance and thus, can tell better than anyone else that he's an extremely skilled person in that field." Then she changed to a more personal perspective, "It would be, not only good for you, but also something we'd both share. I wouldn't be the only one in this position of learning from him and that would mean we'd have so much more to discuss about. Especially speaking of all the things that I've always wanted to share but haven't been able to, since not many have experienced anything even close to the same things I have." Kes opened up about something she had not deemed worth talking about before. But she knew now was her best chance at changing your mind. She really did want a sister of the soul be there for her as well. After all, both of your abilities were similar in the kind of way that you could easily share and learn from each other as well.  
"Huh. You're really truly trying to break my hard shell here." You pondered while getting up into a sitting position, your eyes looking into the distance. Then with a tired sigh you said.  
"Fine."  
Kes perked up. "What fine? You're going to do it?"  
"Yes."  
"Finally!" She jumped up from the bed and made the happiest face she had made in a long time.  
"I'll go to talk with Tuvok about this! He'll be so pleased, it's not like he's been asking if you've decided what you want to do everytime we've met." The fairy being spoke enthusiastically. Her words _also_ meaning she hadn't taken your decline to Tuvok at all.  
"I will not let you back down from this!" Then she gave you a hug and left just like that.

You yourself though, weren't as enthusiastic. Maybe this would change your life for the better. Or maybe you would just waste the time of a whole Chief Of Security. Tsk. It was hard to think optimistically. After having felt so low for a whole week. Staying mostly in bed. Slowly you turned your eyes away from the door which Kes had left through. And the numbness was starting to settle in again, like everytime you were left alone. All you could do was to put everything aside in your mind and then you went back into bed, pulling your covers over you. Then, closing your eyes, you started the mantra you had developed in the past few days. - It will be fine, I am going to be okay, I will survive this. It will be fine, I am going to... -

***

The next day you were woken up by who else if not the loveliest and most thoughtful ray of sunshine on the ship. Kes called out to you gently while shaking you until you opened your eyes.  
"Mmmhh. Kes.. What'reyou doing here?" You muttered slightly incoherent.  
"Good morning (Y/N), today you'll meet up.." Kes walked around your bed to your wardrobe. "..with the doctor." She finished the sentence while searching through your clothes.  
"Tuvok and I came to the conclusion that you need to consult the doctor first. I mean, obviously you need to, but the sooner the better. You'll have to stop taking the medication and he'll know how to do it and what could be the symptoms after a treatment like that. It's best not to trust in pills as potent as what you've been taking. Not for too long at least or otherwise it'll make it harder to learn control over your mind." By now she had found your favourite casual outfit and threw it on your bed. Shirt first then pants.  
"A....haah, is that so?" You were mostly just thinking out loud rather than actually asking.  
"Uh-huh, take a shower and dress up, the doctor is pretty busy so he says he has time for you only now."  
"Now...?" Really? That must have been at least a little bit of a lie. A way to get you taking the first step forward now that there was the promise in the air.  
"Yep! Be in the sickbay in about half an hour. I'll see you there!" Kes left as suddenly as she had appeared. To let you to get ready alone.  
And you took a fast ten minute shower, dried and brushed your (h/l) hair, brushed your teeth and then dressed up in your (f/c) longsleeved shirt and favourite black pants. You looked at yourself from the mirror and felt nice to be so refreshed for a change. Then you left your room for what was only the third time in the past week. And managed to be in the sickbay just in time. The doctor came to greet you from his office as he saw you.  
"Ah, hello (Y/N), finally stopped the sulking and decided to do something about the challenge facing you. That's the spirit!" The doctor said kind of straightforward. It was just like him but it didn't bother you all that much. At least not today. Today was a day that felt different, in a good way.  
"Yes. I guess you could put it that way." You said while you looked around for Kes.  
"Looking for Kes? She'll be here in a minute. She had to go take a medicine to a patient in a bed rest in their quarters."  
"Oh, okay. So. Tell me how to rid myself of the addicting effect of these pills. They've worked for me really well. Hard to imagine myself giving them up. Do I just stop taking them whenever?" You wanted to get to the point and then be done with the whole consultation.  
"Ah ah ah, it's not that easy. You have to change to this lower dosage for a few days. Then it's all about willpower." The doctor basically confirmed it wouldn't be easy. "So you've noticed they really do make one very easily addicted. Interesting. I theorized that in your case that wouldn't happen because of your unique condition. But never mind that." The doctor gave you a new bottle of pills. "Here. You'll have to take one a day. I think it's best if you take them for five days, just in case, and the same applies as with the stronger pills. Evening is the best time to ingest it."  
You looked at the good old-fashioned pill bottle in your hand. Then raised your eyes to the doctor's and asked "And then? What happens after that?"  
"Well, you'll experience..."  
That was when Kes arrived in the sickbay, smiling happily. "(Y/N), you came!"  
"Do you have to sound so surprised?" You asked, both you and the doctor turning towards her.  
"I didn't mean to. I couldn't help it, not after you've been so miserable for days." She was being genuine.  
"Could we please continue with your treatment plan?" The doctor didn't like to be interrupted.  
But just as you were turning back towards the medical professional, the captain suddenly marched into the room as well.  
"You've got to be kidding me." Huffed the doctor but then Kes pulled him aside.  
And the captain walked straight up to you and greeted you without caring about the others in the room "Hello, ensign (Y/L/N), it is an honor to finally meet you. Pity we haven't met face to face before. I think it should be about time I got to speak with my ship's most gossiped crewmember. And of course, our hero." The captain said in a warm and admiring tone of voice.  
And oh how you were startled by the surprise - it was THE captain - and you were speechless. Slowly you looked from the captain to Kes and realized from her expression that she had brought the captain to the sickbay. - Oh my god! Kes you traitor! You knew I would try to avoid seeing the captain. - At least in the mindset you had at the moment.  
"Ensign?" The captain looked at you puzzled.  
"Oh, yes, captain, hi! Yes. It is.. good. To see you." You weren't sure what to say and were a bit embarrased of not knowing how to address the captain. Then you became quiet again.  
The captain put a hand on your shoulder, (Eep!) and pointed towards the doctor's office. "Shall we go have a bit more private conversation?"  
"Yes sir.. captain!" GOD, what a mistake, everyone knew the captain didn't like to be called sir and you felt a slight warmth rising on your face.  
"Don't worry ensign, it's quite alright, I have been called sir many times before. And I am still alive, aren't I?" The captain chatted in a humorous way, a warm smile on her lips. "You will learn."  
You two had now walked into the office, closing the door behind, and the captain had taken a seat behind the doctor's desk. You had the seat across her.  
"So, ensign (Y/L/N), I've heard from various crewmembers, including Kes, B'elanna and my closest officer, Tuvok, how you handled the incident with the unknown alien vessel. But I'd like to hear your perspective on it too, how the events unfolded from your point of view."  
There was a short pause during which you thought about your words. But couldn't even come up with how to start.  
"Captain, I. I think it's kind of hard to explain."  
"It's okay, we have time. And the doctor has been obligated to tell me about the evolved state of your brain. The briefing of your case has happened in perfect confidentiality of course." The captain's tone was as calm as ever creating a trustful atmosphere.  
"Oh. Um. Well then." Clearing your throat.  
"So then, captain, you should know how this.. Telepathic ability has been brewing for a longer time now."  
"Yes, that is quite right. And you have become almost a legend on this ship because of it." The captain noted with amusement.  
"Ah, yes..." - What legend? What weird ideas are those crewmates spreading around? - The thought being more amusing to you than annoying though.  
"By the time of the fatal night, my ability had reached it's peak. Which is why, adding the relaxed state I was in as.. as I was.. sleeping" You now looked somewhere into the distance, trying to find a different, more intriguing way to explain the night for the captain. But to no avail. "When I was suddenly awoken in the middle of the night by this. This surge of.. deep feeling of something being wrong. It felt like it was originating somewhere in my spine. Later the doctor explained this as my brain sending neuro impulses down the biggest part of the neuro system, as some sort of warning signs."  
The captain commented, "It is truly fascinating to think what kind of power such brain capacity can enable." She sounded like she was genuinely enthralled by your narration of the night. She must have heard most everything that was necessary to know already elsewhere, but she gave no indication of being bored even in the slightest. It made you feel relaxed to continue a bit more openly.  
"It is quite unbelievable to say the least. It still is very hard for me to accept that I have this.. ability now.." - Pfft, ability. Curse more like it. - "But continuing. So I woke up, jumped out of my bed and ran.. "  
The captain interrupted again, clearly too amused to not say anything. "In your pyjamas." She couldn't contain her chuckle. Clearly the pyjama part was one of her favourites. "I would have wanted to see Tuvok's face when he fnally reached you!" The captain said in an amused way, as if she knew the vulcan could show emotion, laughter still clear on her face. "But please, do continue." She then said, smiling at you.  
"Yes, in my pyjamas." You gave a genuine smirk as well at this point.  
"I ran to the sickbay and alerted the emergency hologram doctor and, without realizing it, the chief of security as well. Which....turned out to become the deciding seconds for us all." And suddenly your mood took a deep dive as the familiar feeling of anxiety and dread surfaced. You shuddered to think how it all had rested on your shoulders. Which made your eyes starting to glisten as you were so deep in the memory now.  
Then you sniffled and wiped the corner of your eye trying to continue. "Ugh, I apologize."  
"Oh no, there's no need to, ensign. I understand it must feel like a huge responsibility. One that shouldn't be anyone's to carry." And at this point, you dared to look the captain in her eyes for the first time properly, realizing that she was the most understanding woman anyone could ask for a captain. Her eyes radiated with warmth and compassion. This made your eyes glisten again.  
"Here. Take your time." The captain offered you a tissue from a tissue box on the doctor's desk and smiled understandingly.  
"Um, thank you. Captain." You wiped your eyes some more, then took a deep breath and were ready to continue.


End file.
